I was informed that I carried a genetic condition that could be passed down and make a child’s life difficult. I remember nodding as if I understood it and thinking it through.
I didn’t.
Doctors told me something I wasn’t ready to hear.
All I heard was that becoming a father could mean hurting someone I hadn’t even met yet.
So, being young and stupid, I made a decision too fast.
I went through with a surgical procedure that was supposed to ensure I’d never have kids, despite knowing I’d always dreamt of being a father.
But at the time, it felt as if I were doing the responsible thing.
I buried that part of my life. I told myself I’d deal with it when the time came.
I made a decision too fast.
***
Then Stephanie came into my life.
And I kept it a secret, waiting for the “right time” to tell her I was infertile.
***
Three years later, we were engaged.
Stephanie lived with me in my house. We had joint plans and shared routines. Everything looked perfect from the outside.
So when she came home one evening, eyes bright and barely able to stand still, I didn’t expect what came next.
“I HAVE A SURPRISE! I’m 10 weeks pregnant!”
I kept it a secret.
The words hit me so hard that I had to grab the back of a chair to stay upright!
I forced a smile, but inside, everything collapsed.
